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goatherder

Relationship with my ex

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I married my ex when I was barely 15. He was going on 31. It was kind of an "arranged marriage". My mom had married his dad (who was a very controlling man and an alcoholic). His dad thought it would be a great idea for us to get married and pushed the idea. I wanted out of the house and had few other options, so I got married. I tried very hard to be a good wife and mother. We stayed together for 14 years and have three wonderful children. Unfortunately, I became more unhappy with the marriage as time passed. He was under his dad's thumb completely. He worked in his dad's business, babysat his dad's drunken episodes after work, and when his younger, worthless brother joined the business to "claim his inheritance" (little brother's words), he went along with it. I grew up and became more dissatisfied with never having had my own life. I had planned to go to college then veterinary school, but never made it to become a vet because of family responsibilities and his unwillingness to support my goals.

 

He remarried almost immediately after we divorced. She was a hateful woman who did not want my children around. She had two kids and my ex did everything she asked and more for them while short-changing his own. I remarried a few years later (big mistake), then divorced again after about five years. His second wife died a few years ago and I've been completely unattached longer than that.

 

We have remained friends over the years and spend holidays together with the family. Lately, I've come to realize that this is the autumn of my life and I don't really want to spend it without a companion. I am close with my children and am helping raise my grandsons, but it's not the same as having someone who has traveled the road of life as many miles as I have. Would it be crazy to go back to a couple kind of relationship with my ex? Would you if you were in my situation?

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You need to ask yourself do you want that kind of relationship again. You divorced him once what is to say it won't be the same again.

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Not totally crazy idea, but one that requires a lot of careful thought and prayer. Only you truly know both him and full situation from years and years along that road of life. 20/20 hindsight what went wrong, what problems still exist, what's changed (or not). Be honest with yourself. Offhand from your brief summary description it's possible some of the "old" issues no longer relevant (his family?). Does he feel the same way as you and fully committted to doing whatever it takes to make it work this time?. :shrug:

 

Go slow, be sure it's him you're wanting and not just willing to settle for anyone. Often when don't know what to do, it helps to ask self what will happen if do "nothing". Kinda helps sort things out on how important or urgent the issue is.

 

 

Hugs and prayers for your happiness GH no matter which way you decide. :hug3:

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You need to do what's best for you. No matter what anyone else says. You know where your heart is. These things happen for a reason and only God knows what they are. You are much older and wiser now. What do your children think of the idea?

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