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Well here I am again. Feeling useless as all get out, even though my brain tells me it is not so. I am moving at last from my old house, it was packed to the rafters with things I had saved, and now I am forced into desperately sorting and selling, and donating things I'd much rather keep. That part is bad enough; but due to my hip and being on a walker, I can't help with the moving. My friend and my family members have been killing themselves moving my stuff; now the budget is shot to heck and I can't even pay my bills. I never felt so bad in my life - worthless, crippled up and worst of all, a burden to my friend and family. I try not to let them see me cry. I dont have time for it between calling my creditors and working out payment plants, and scrounging money to pay even those things. I cant go on relief- I make too much money; but it is gone practically before I get it from paying one backed up bill or another. Tomorrow I will call the credit union (they say my credit is top rate) and see if I can get a loan to help out. But I still am fighting this feeling of being a useless burden. How I wish the drs would quit stalling and fix this d**m HIP!!!! Im afraid it will be so damaged by the time they get to me it will be unfixable. And no, I cant even blame medicare....I have the best insurance from my former job, pays for everything. I don't understant why all the foot dragging now. Oh well, thanks for the opportunity to vent.

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(((kappydell))) Huge hugs headed your way. You know you're not worthless, don't even think that!

 

Chronic pain can really drag you down emotionally. Please cut yourself some slack. Do what you can and move on. I know it's hard to get rid of things, but in the end, they are only things. Your friend and family, on the other hand, are priceless. Just keep letting them know how much you appreciate all that they are doing. They wouldn't be doing this if they didn't care about you! Hang in there! This too shall pass. You'll get your hip replacement and your life back. In the meantime, chin up! (((Kappy)))

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I don't get by often enough and happened to do a post in Streams when I saw your post. I'm so sorry that you are discouraged. I'll be praying that your spirit is lifted and that you are able to focus on the next thing to do before you and not feel overwhelmed. Also praying that they get that hip seen about! Celebrate small victories along the way. Give credit where credit is due and start again fresh each morning. :hug3:

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(((((((kappydell)))))))

 

:bighug2:

 

I know the feeling. I was always a very very active person, always doing something. When I first ruined my back, I hit a wall and felt totally useless, worthless and of no value to anyone. My family helped a little, then moved on with their lives leaving me alone. That gave me time to reflect, adding to my depression. I could not work anymore - worthless. I could not lift anything over 5 lbs.(a gallon weighs 7 lbs.) - worthless. I could not push a shopping cart - worthless. And on and on... I could only see what I could not do and what a burden I was on those around me.

 

God helped me through that period by providing encouragement in areas I had never given any thought. I could pray for people, I could offer my knowledge, and I could do little things that others were either too busy to do or did not know how to do. I spent countless hours crocheting, mending, and reading the Bible. After a couple of years, I began to be able to do more. I began light exercises to increase the strength in my arms and legs. As painful as it was, my muscles had already atrophied, I was determined to, at least, try.

 

Hopefully, you will get the medical treatment soon.

 

Nope, you are NOT useless!

 

:pray:

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:hug3: You are not useless and its normal to feel badly about it, but you can figure out new things to do, adjust as time goes on. I have gone through chronic pain and have other stuff acting up now. I refuse to think , now , that I am useless.

ok, storm going nuts outside....... so must just post this.

Kappy, you are loved, you are not useless. We love you too. Your friends and everyone helped you, they love you too. Its ok to ask for help when you really need it. I am glad they have helped.

What about a consolidation debt center, one that is legit. Do some research. Maybe you can make arrangements.

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Well, the finances have cleared up a bit - I was able to get a personal loan from my credit union to take care of the financial havoc caused by moving, and get things running smoothly again. The auction folks will come get the items that I want to sell so that is less work for my friend/family. Although I would love to keep my husbands collections, my space does not allow it. I am so happy he got to enjoy his things, and now it is someone else's turn. The auction folks say it will bring in some $$. Even that old push reel style lawn mower is a collectible(!). So the bow is coming up on this old storm-tossed tugboat, and things are looking up. Thank you for the support I needed so badly in an "what the Sam Hill am I gonna do?" moment. (Who the heck was Sam Hill? I never did ask my mom, who used that expression.)

 

I just googled it....the things I learn around here....There is a story sometimes told (for example in Edwin Mitchell’s Encyclopedia of American Politics in 1946) that one Colonel Samuel Hill of Guilford, Connecticut, would often run for political office at some point in the early nineteenth century but always without success. Hence, “to run like Sam Hill” or “go like Sam Hill”. The problem is that nobody has found any trace of this monumentally unsuccessful candidate.

 

On the other hand, an article in the New England Magazine in December 1889 entitled Two Centuries and a Half in Guilford Connecticut mentioned that, “Between 1727 and 1752 Mr. Sam. Hill represented Guilford in forty-three out of forty-nine sessions of the Legislature, and when he was gathered to his fathers, his son Nathaniel reigned in his stead” and a footnote queried whether this might be the source of the “popular Connecticut adjuration to ‘Give ‘em Sam Hill’?” So the tale has long legs.

 

The expression has been known since the late 1830s. Despite the story, it seems to be no more than a personalised euphemism for “hell”.

Edited by kappydell
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(Fun to look up those things, isn't it? :) )

 

((((((((((((((kappydell)))))))))))))

 

I get like that every now and then. When I feel like nothing I do will help or matters.

 

I'm so glad that you have a safe place to vent, and a safe place to regain your strength. We'll be a shoulder, a hand, and a prayer partner.

 

:hug3:

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Well, the finances have cleared up a bit - I was able to get a personal loan from my credit union to take care of the financial havoc caused by moving, and get things running smoothly again. The auction folks will come get the items that I want to sell so that is less work for my friend/family. Although I would love to keep my husbands collections, my space does not allow it. I am so happy he got to enjoy his things, and now it is someone else's turn. The auction folks say it will bring in some $. Even that old push reel style lawn mower is a collectible(!). So the bow is coming up on this old storm-tossed tugboat, and things are looking up. Thank you for the support I needed so badly in an "what the Sam Hill am I gonna do?" moment. (Who the heck was Sam Hill? I never did ask my mom, who used that expression.)

 

I just googled it....the things I learn around here....There is a story sometimes told (for example in Edwin Mitchell's Encyclopedia of American Politics in 1946) that one Colonel Samuel Hill of Guilford, Connecticut, would often run for political office at some point in the early nineteenth century but always without success. Hence, "to run like Sam Hill" or "go like Sam Hill". The problem is that nobody has found any trace of this monumentally unsuccessful candidate.

 

On the other hand, an article in the New England Magazine in December 1889 entitled Two Centuries and a Half in Guilford Connecticut mentioned that, "Between 1727 and 1752 Mr. Sam. Hill represented Guilford in forty-three out of forty-nine sessions of the Legislature, and when he was gathered to his fathers, his son Nathaniel reigned in his stead" and a footnote queried whether this might be the source of the "popular Connecticut adjuration to 'Give 'em Sam Hill'?" So the tale has long legs.

 

The expression has been known since the late 1830s. Despite the story, it seems to be no more than a personalised euphemism for "hell".

 

So glad to see other's extending encouragement. When my first husband passed on after 42 yrs. of marriage, I felt like depression had hold of both of my ankles and was dragging me deeper and deeper. Then one morning in my quiet time, God gave me a vision of my first husband gazing into the cloudy image that I knew was Jesus, with such a wide smile on his face. Then the image of Jesus pointed to this huge field with all the toys (cars, tools, woodworking etc., and other loves of first husband) and spoke to him these words..."GO PLAY!" It truly gave me a peace that passes all understanding...for "in my house are many mansions...I go to prepare a place for you". You'll walk this out girlfriend...and remember one thing! The power of God to hang onto you is greater than your power to hang on to Him! As a former post said..."this too shall pass". I can see great hapiness for the life God has ahead of you! You've probably been a giver all your life so now it's time for you to learn to receive.

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[

 

"stinkin' thinkin"

 

I love that expression. Right along with the ID ten-T malfunction (you know....ID10T). Im adopting both those expressions.... they crack me up!

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  • 3 weeks later...

We are FINALLY done with moving. I am relieved, but in some way a little sad, too, I will miss that funky old farmhouse after 16 years. Everyone is exhausted, but I did manage to do excellent liniment back-rubs and make a good porterhouse steak & big-tater dinner (with grilled onions, natch) to reward my loyal helpers.

Now on to my next major task - getting in shape for my surgery so my hip wont be a hinderance anymore. I absolutely hated not being able to do much. Guess it is up to me to change THAT!

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It will be hard to top my memories of that place, but Im going to try. This new place is very nice; I have my oldest friend living with me in it (my husband died over a year ago, luma, but you didn't know, its OK)for company. Us two ole broads on disability are planning some fun. She wants to go south to see my sister & brother in Fla & Tenn respectively, but finances are too tight to do it right away. So I guess we'll winter over here.

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  • 3 months later...

Im happy to report that I saw an orthpedic surgeon today and he gave me a date for surgery to get my hip fixed. He also explained just what I did to it...when I fell back in 2008 I crushed the part of the hip where the blood flows to feed the cartilage, and the cartilage died. He said it takes a while (it did) and is painful (it certainly was) and not only am I bone on bone in the hip, my leg is considerably shorter from the loss of so much of the joint. He also marveled at how I am still able to walk on it, and for so long. I did have an answer for that one...when you think you have no choice, you find ways to keep going. Anyway, in a little over a month he told me I can have my life back. I am soooo excited! I not only will have the pain go away, but will be able to walk normally again, straighten out my leg, and, he says my legs will 'match' again, so my left knee (which has been doing considerable complaining lately...) will have the strain taken from it. Oh yes, I will be able to stand up straight! Imagine that! I haven't been able to do that since Feb 2008! And I won't have to feel like a burden anymore! Halleluia! He says I'll be able to do anything except impact type sports - no loss there and so much gained. Im so excited - Im making plans like a 20-year old!

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