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Inappropriate comment from a coworker


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Okay. I know I should drop 15 lbs or so. There's been a lot of stress eating at the tail end of my unemployment and settling into a new job. Sweetie could stand to drop a few, too and has mentioned on himself multiple times. I was going to start soon, anyway, since Christmas won't be much this year and there'll be little holiday derailment. Sweetie can join me or not, but if not, his picky self can cook his own high calorie dinners. We're being lazy complacent married people and I'm not making any excuses for it.

 

The other day, though, a co-worker was saying I was looking "a little bit pregnant" with no real lead-in to the comment (not that it'd be any excuse). Frankly I was flabbergasted that he was foolish enough to say that (it was in front of others, including the boss).

 

Guys, remember: don't assume a pregnancy unless you've seen the woman's water breaking. Or gotten an invite to the baby shower. Just...don't. He didn't mean any malice by it but...really?!

 

While my co-worker wouldn't have known the next detail, the pregnancy thing is a sore point. The last few years I've racked up enough medical bills with two gynecologists to pay off the notes on their Lexuses. Practical upshot is that I couldn't have gotten pregnant if Sweetie and I were actively trying...much less any happy surprises.

 

Also, there is still plenty of bias and discrimination against younger women in a professional setting. There's a number of bosses out there who think that just when they've trained you, you'll have a kid and not come back from maternity leave. I worked for a benefits broker for a few years and heard this from a number of small business owners who wanted to exclude their younger workers from the health plan with this view in mind. Hell, some of my profs warned us not to go to a job interview with a wedding or engagement ring on the hand.

 

Long spate of unemployment... and possible pregnancy rumors when, were I pregnant now, I wouldn't be eligible for FMLA leave once the booger was born. Yah...thanks a lot!

 

A Dilbert reference comes to mind, on multiple fronts.

 

 

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The other day, though, a co-worker was saying I was looking "a little bit pregnant" with no real lead-in to the comment (not that it'd be any excuse). Frankly I was flabbergasted that he was foolish enough to say that (it was in front of others, including the boss).

 

^SNIP^

 

And you let him live!

My big mouth would have said, "And you're looking a little bit ugly." With a stare down of course. :angry:

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HE said something like that. I do believe that something akin to "why would you say something like that?" and/or "why would that be any of your business?" would come out of my mouth but it wouldn't be so nice. Inappropriate to say the least.

 

IF he was a close friend, he would be maybe allowed to ask such a question in private but never in front of other people much less a boss. But IF he was a close friend, he would know the answer. Cannot believe the gall and rudeness of some people.

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(((hazelstone))) that's rotten of him to have done to you, some people just have no decency.

 

I'm surprised that the boss didn't say something to him, at least in private, about what he said, in addition to it being rude and hurtful, in this litigation world we're in, all it would take is one sexual harassment report and then it may come back to bite them both.

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Women are not men with different plumbing. They are completely different from men - socially, chemically, biologically, and mentally.

 

Note I did not say superior or inferior, just vastly different. The attempt of modern society to identify men and women as interchangeable biological resources has caused great consternation.

 

You are making the mistake of "feeling" a response to a male off-the-cuff observation. In male culture, a normal greeting among comfortable male co-workers would be "hey bitches, howzit going" to which a typical response would be - hey a-hole, you look like you got drug under a truck". This roasting is a sign of camaraderie. A guy shows up with his leg in a cast, and the response is not, as it would be with women, empathizing. The opposite is true. He will be the butt of jokes. Hey Bob, hop on over here . . .. and many worse that I cannot type here. And he will love it because it means he's accepted as a part of the group, and is still a "man" not to be pitied or coddled.

 

While it is possible that the guy is just a jerk, it is just as possible that he thought nothing malicious about it, and was actually treating you as an equal - making the same ribbing comment that would be "normal" to another guy, and in an indirect way, complimenting you.

 

I do not expect you to "get it". Women in general do not think they way men do. It is what it is. It is no more rational to expect men to assume the mental processes of females, as it is to expect women to do the same heavy lifting that men do. Trying to socially engineer boys and girls into "same" is destroying our society.

 

Note - I am not endorsing sexual harassment, or discrimination not based on actual ability. I am simply trying to present a different perspective. There are some jobs for which women are the equal of men, and some jobs where women outperform men. And there are some jobs where only certain special men, and almost no women, can perform well. But the laws and our social engineering refuse to acknowledge any differences whatsoever. And then women get upset when a male coworker treats them the same as he would a man.

 

As to pregnancy - if a guy applied for a job, and said (or it was assumed) that he would work for 6-9 months at gradually diminishing ability, then expect a paid vacation and to have his job back when or if he decided to return, it absolutely would affect the hiring decision. But our laws discriminate against men, by giving such special privileges only to women. Women clamor for equality - when that is the last thing they want. Equality means, if you can't perform the same job, to the same level, you get paid less or lose the job,. If you can't work for a month or more, you get replaced. If your physical condition renders you incapable of performing to the same standard, you get replaced - regardless of plumbing.

 

It's like putting cats and dogs in the same group and demanding that they all work together toward a common goal - they don't even speak the same language.

Edited by Gunplumber
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(((hazelstone))) that's rotten of him to have done to you, some people just have no decency.

 

I'm surprised that the boss didn't say something to him, at least in private, about what he said, in addition to it being rude and hurtful, in this litigation world we're in, all it would take is one sexual harassment report and then it may come back to bite them both.

My boss probably did. She apologized on his behalf...and where I work is very lawsuit-happy. I do like where I work though... and I'm hardly the sort to run to HR over the bittiest thing.

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Gunplumber, how would a male feel if a female said something like "well that beer belly is getting a little over the top" or "looks like you have dunlap disease"?

 

 

From another guy - nothing at all, other than scrambling for a witty retort.

 

From a woman? there would be some stumbling. Hey - that's a woman, can I use my same witty retort or will she start crying? Should I care?

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Gunplumber, how would a male feel if a female said something like "well that beer belly is getting a little over the top" or "looks like you have dunlap disease"?

 

 

From another guy - nothing at all, other than scrambling for a witty retort.

 

From a woman? there would be some stumbling. Hey - that's a woman, can I use my same witty retort or will she start crying? Should I care?

 

 

 

:lol: Yeah....we've actually been there/done that.....although it honestly was NOT what I meant to say because there was no reality to it. [a word-replacement MS problem] :shrug:

 

 

 

 

But really, I think Hazel has the right advice for guys..... or any of us:

 

"Guys, remember: don't assume a pregnancy unless you've seen the woman's water breaking. Or gotten an invite to the baby shower. Just...don't."

 

That's a keeper! :lol:

 

 

 

MtRider --- and sometimes....things we say just come out sideways.... :blink::o

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  • 2 weeks later...

 

 

 

MtRider --- and sometimes....things we say just come out sideways.... :blink::o

 

 

Amen to that. This is why my drinking limit is one drink...two IF it's only people I know well... On those types of insults though, I don't cry. I get mad and mean instead. I've always had a wide mean streak. I struggle with it regularly and sometimes it gets really tempting to just let it run...

 

However, my job is a very visible position and so diplomacy is key.

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And there are some jobs where only certain special men, and almost no women, can perform well. But the laws and our social engineering refuse to acknowledge any differences whatsoever. And then women get upset when a male coworker treats them the same as he would a man.

 

As to pregnancy - if a guy applied for a job, and said (or it was assumed) that he would work for 6-9 months at gradually diminishing ability, then expect a paid vacation and to have his job back when or if he decided to return, it absolutely would affect the hiring decision. But our laws discriminate against men, by giving such special privileges only to women. Women clamor for equality - when that is the last thing they want. Equality means, if you can't perform the same job, to the same level, you get paid less or lose the job,. If you can't work for a month or more, you get replaced. If your physical condition renders you incapable of performing to the same standard, you get replaced - regardless of plumbing.

 

It's like putting cats and dogs in the same group and demanding that they all work together toward a common goal - they don't even speak the same language.

 

And guys are never out on medical leave? The description matches many male professionals in upper middle age. They also have the same claim to FMLA leave- it's not just women who take it. And that leave is only available once you've worked somewhere at least a year- the vast majority of people don't plan that far ahead. There is loads more I can say on this topic but it's taking things farther afield.

 

As for jobs some men can do and most women can't- I agree with you there. It does color much of my view about women in the military- introducing different fitness benchmarks is bunk imho, and it applies to certain heavy labor jobs as well. A couple of my schoolmates were big girls, strong girls- not fat, just big. That sort of thing is in the statistical tails but you do see it occasionally. They could meet the same fitness benchmarks the guys could. They could haul an injured comrade away from danger. Me? I wasn't quite a hundred pounds when I finished high school. Not a chance in Hades with me. But if my schoolmates met the benchmarks, there's no reason to prevent them from enlisting.

 

There's the argument that there's lots of supporting jobs in the military women can do. Perhaps, but I do wonder about keeping around significant numbers of people who wouldn't qualify for an "honest" combat job. It also increases the chance that someone else gets assigned to the front lines instead...messy debate, that.

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there was a time, maybe, when there were front lines and safe areas. But not anymore. Jessica Lynch (her completely fabricated heroics aside) is a prime example. The enemy doesn't care what your MOS is. But if women were only assigned to the less dangerous jobs, would they be happy with lower pay for the lesser work? I don't think so. It's silly really, even down to female uniforms. On one hand, the military claims that females are just another service member and to be treated no differently - but they get different PT standards, and different uniforms designed to accentuate their differences. I'm not talking about a different cut fo9r different shapes, but a different style altogether.

 

 

 


There's the argument that there's lots of supporting jobs in the military women can do. Perhaps, but I do wonder about keeping around significant numbers of people who wouldn't qualify for an "honest" combat job. It also increases the chance that someone else gets assigned to the front lines instead...messy debate, that.

 

Edited by Gunplumber
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