Jump to content
MrsSurvival Discussion Forums

Feminine Protection...


Cat

Recommended Posts

OK, now that I've scared the guys away from this thread... :happy0203:

 

 

~~~~~

 

A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind were 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn't stand the curiosity.

 

She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

 

The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband."

 

"What happened to him?"

 

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

 

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

 

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."

 

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women.

 

"Can I borrow the dog?"

 

"Get in line."

 

~~~~~

 

ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !!

 

1.. You walka pasta da bakery.

 

2.. You walka pasta da candy store.

 

3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

 

4... You walka pasta da table and fridge.

 

You will lose weight!

 

~~~~~

 

The Silent Treatment

 

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

 

(Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. :happy0203: )

 

~~~~~

 

The Joy of Marriage

 

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

 

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

 

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.

 

~~~~~

 

A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks.

 

"115," she says.

 

The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140.

 

The nurse asks, "Your height?"

 

"5 foot 8," she says.

 

The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".

 

She then takes her blood pressure, and tells the woman it is very high.

 

"Of course it's high!" she screams, "When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

 

~~~~~

 

:whistling:

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Replies 148
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

The Joy of Marriage

 

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

 

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

 

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.

 

 

 

:24:

Link to comment
Originally Posted By: UKGuy
"FEMININE PROTECTION"

....and I came in here expecting to see pics of a 45 automatic stuffed into a stocking top


It's not a stocking top, but it is a .45!

IM004202a.jpg
Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Guess he's down for the count!!

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
splat1.gif Your turn...
Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.