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I dunno what to say...

Started by Guest_Guest_* , Jul 20 2002 01:43 PM

38 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_Guest_*

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Posted 20 July 2002 - 01:43 PM

I've been waiting a while to write this. I even tried to write a draft of it, in anticipation of this site being up again, but even then it was very difficult to write.

I'll probably not make much sense...the thoughts in my mind are very scattered and the emotions are running deep at the moment, so please be patient and bear with me.

*sigh*

I want everyone to know that I'm fully aware that I've failed each and every one of you. I failed myself, my family and my Lord.

It's not a real fun place to be but although I'm there, I do understand many of the whys.

Sorry seems so shallow to say. But I am, because failure was never my intention.

When I was asked to take over this site a few years ago, I came in with a gusto. I had plans and dreams for this place and all of you. I wanted it to be hugely successful and to bring blessings to many peoples lives here.

And then I fell apart.

I lost my home to a fire, I almost lost my family and all that is precious there because of wrong decisions I had made, and for a long period of time I was facing uncertain health issues. I became very ill physically and for a while, doctors were unable to find the reasons. I had to look at issues like dying and leaving my children behind, and it was a very scarey time for me. Finances became tight and there was a point where we almost lost our home. And in the interim, I got behind on payments to our server and we temporarily lost our site at www.mrssurvival.com and www.mrssurvival.net.

I've been a mess, and I know it.

Many of you have been, and are, angry with me. I understand and I'm sorry. Many of you are hurt and confused because of my actions, and I'm heartbreakingly sorry for that too. Many of your are disillusioned and tired of it all, and I understand that too, and am sorry I was the cause of that.

And for some reason, it all hit me today...where we are all at here, and I went flying into my husband's arms cause I'm scared.

I dunno what to say, and I dunno what to do.

But I felt that I owed everyone that I've hurt or disappointed here a public apology, and I felt that I owed everyone an explanation, as confusing as that explanation may seem.

I've asked forgiveness from my Lord and from my family. For some reason, I'm not asking forgiveness from ya'll cause I don't really feel like I deserve it.

But whatever ya'll want to do with this site, whatever ya'll want me to do, I'm open if you have any suggestions.

Other than that, I've laid this at the foot of His Throne, for Him to do as He chooses.

Thank you for all you've unselfishly given over the years. I know that for me, the memories will last a life time.

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#2 Guest_Guest_*

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Posted 20 July 2002 - 02:20 PM

Well, 3 days ago I was more optimistic in MY life, but now it is 12:12PM, and is already 101 degrees without a swamp cooler and no water. I can certainly relate to chaos Darlene, but life just happens sometimes and there is not a thing you can do about it but hold on and pray really hard. I'm still working on last year's Christmas ornament exchange and if it takes 4 years, I will get these puppies done and in the mail. Remember my husband's employment? (or lack thereof since last fall.) He just got a job this past Wednesday. (Oh BOY.)

Please try not to feel so badly. Sometimes inexplicable things happen to us that make everything impossible to deal with.

Kelly


#3 Snowmom

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Posted 20 July 2002 - 03:12 PM

As I said in my e-mail to you (hope you got it), there are very few things I would hold a grudge for.

Having your house burn down and getting sick don't count!!! I've never held that against anybody!!!

(((((hugs))))))

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#4 Guest_Guest_*

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Posted 20 July 2002 - 07:09 PM

Darlene,
Hey, believe me I am not (never was) angry, etc...
No apology necessary. You didn't even have to explain. Let's just be happy and move on.
You are in my daily prayers. God cares and we care too. Hang in there
Freundin

#5 Guest_Guest_*

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Posted 20 July 2002 - 07:55 PM

Oh, Darlene, You haven't done anything to apologize for...and I can't even imagine that anyone here would have been upset with you. What's happened to you is LIFE. It doesn't always go the way we intend for it to....and sometimes that's a blessing in disguise. You and the moderators are so appreciated for all of your efforts. I didn't know about alot of the things you described in your post, and I'm so sorry you've had such a rough go. A vital function of Mrs. S has always been the support freely given by Mrs. S participants for anyone who is experiencing any kind of difficult time. Don't beat yourself up! Without you, there would be no Mrs. S, and even though I'm not really one of the gang, I've been fortunate to learn so much here, be supported when times were tough; I've laughed until tears streamed down my face, and I've cried tears of sympathy for other members. This is a cyber family, and no one is expected to be perfect. I say a resounding THANK YOU for all that you've done for all of us. {{{Darlene}}}

#6 Guest_Guest_*

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Posted 20 July 2002 - 08:02 PM

Well..been at MrsS for a bit?...I had alot I was going to type here...but you all know how I rot at typing!..but the most important thing is WELCOME BACK Darlene! Life throws all kinds of things our way..by choice or not. We grow older and wiser..KOTC! Ed

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#7 logcabinmama

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Posted 20 July 2002 - 08:11 PM

Welcome back, Darlene. We are all just happy that you are able to join us again.

Things happen in each one of our lives and we just have to go with the flow.

I am just happy that you are back and you and MM have gotten the site going again.

Thank you again for all you two do. ((((Darlene and MM))))

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#8 gardnmom

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Posted 20 July 2002 - 09:36 PM

Life is always throwing curves at someone, in a family you just roll around the corner, and pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start all over again.
Hey haven't I heard that somewhere before?
It is just great to be back.
((((((Darlene))))))

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[This message has been edited by Lois (edited July 20, 2002).]

#9 Lois

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Posted 20 July 2002 - 10:28 PM

Dar, this is an imperfect word and we are all imperfect people. Life happens and sometimes it isnt easy to deal with... stop agonizing over what you have had no control over hun.

In the past 3 years I have gone thru a divorce, lost my home, experienced a near death illness myself. Last year I suffered a second light stroke, 11 months ago buried my grandson and 6 weeks later my Da... as a result of all the stress I let alot of people here at Mrs.S down... some have forgiven me and some are still angry with me.

I have spent months grieving and praying and finally laid it down at the lords feet because I was making myself ill again over it all. I remember "Da Boss" dancing in her blue dress... what a beautiful site you were too.. and also when she was angry at me... but I never stopped loving you and caring about you and you needs to stop beating yourself up over all of this.

Life happens and it either beats us or makes us stronger in the end.... Ive never been a quitter and neither have you girlfriend.... so let the past take care of itself and go on from today... KOTC Twila

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#10 twilap

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Posted 20 July 2002 - 10:37 PM

Darlene:

I haven't been to this site since the end of last year. I read your e-mail and it showed what a sweet heart you had. Of course I don't have any hard feelings...I haven't been here...but I understand how things in life can be overwhelming. I think that your post here (and the e-mail) show what kind of character and heart you truly have. That immediately drew me back to this site.

I understand the things life throws at you since this year we have waited with my mother-in-law for a heart transplant which she finally received and then 4 days later my mom unexpectedly passed away at home by her self of a heart attack. 16 days after that my dear hubby was in a serious car accident where our truck was totalled and yet he escaped with a concussion, scrapes and cuts. I had an Aunt pass away and now I have an uncle in the hospital who is not supposed to make it. I think we all have times in our lives where things are overwhelming and we cannot keep up with things as well as we would desire.....but that's okay!!!!

I am sorry I blabbed on...I just wanted to tell you that your e-mail encouraged me to come back and check out this site again. And you know what? I forgot how much I like this site!!!!

Have a great day!!!!

#11 Ginger

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Posted 21 July 2002 - 12:17 AM

Darlene you have always tried to give more than is humanly possible in my opinion, so now relax and just be happy. It will all come together and it will be 110%just like you always want things done. Only this time how about 1% from 110 people. Best of luck to you and your family, you definitely deserve it.

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#12 Guest_Guest_*

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Posted 21 July 2002 - 12:52 AM

One of the greatest gifts you can be given is to know that you are not alone.

Thank you for all your emails and kind words. I wasn't expecting anything and have been quite overwelmed by the many things ya'll have said.

The memories of the past few years here come rushing back and I am reminded once again why I fell in love with this site back then.

I really AM *home*.

(((((((MrsSurvival Women)))))))


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#13 ozzzyyy

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Posted 21 July 2002 - 12:02 PM

I have contemplated what I wanted to say for a day now.

(((((Darlene)))))

We have met face to face, and I trust that you know the integrity of my heart and my love for this site. You need to know that this next sentence is filled with more love for you than you may ever know.....

I would like slap you silly with a wet noodle for not sharing your burdens with us sooner!!

We are family and when one of us is down, we will come to the rescue of that one.

It has been said by a wise king of old:
"Two are better than one because they have a good return for thier labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to pick him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two canresist him. A cord of *three strands* is not quickly torn apart."

We here at Mrs Survival can be that 3 strand cord if ever you should have need (administration, moderaters and members)
if only you let us

My hearts desire is that you would go in peace and live this day forward in freedom's fullest.

Great to see you back in the swing of things.

Blessings and love,
Ginger

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#14 Guest_Guest_*

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Posted 21 July 2002 - 12:39 PM

This is my first time back at Mrs. Survival in a long, long time. Darlene, it was your sincere email that brought me back. I didn't leave for any particular reason, just got out of the habit of checking in here. Believe me, I understand how life happens. Been through a house fire myself. I have to say it was real close to being as hard of a time as when my husband (first) and our daughter were killed by a drunk driver. Our fire happened when I was pregnant with our last child. A week after the fire my water broke and several days later he was born 7 weeks premature. God is good, though, and never lets you down if you ask Him for help.

#15 mrszouave

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Posted 21 July 2002 - 01:04 PM

What a WONDERFUL,LOVING, STRONG family we have here!!!

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#16 Guest_Guest_*

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Posted 21 July 2002 - 02:01 PM

awwwwwwww ((((((deena)))))) I know what you mean.

And Ginger...I know...I just got very very lost...

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#17 Guest_Guest_*

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Posted 21 July 2002 - 02:21 PM

You don't have to apologize, Things happen that are beyond our control. We have all survived and as for me I am just glad we are back home. So let's CELEBRATE!! our homecoming it feels like just getting home from a long vacation. It is so nice to see familiar things around us. Have a cup (_)o tea or coffee? And have a piece of pound cake just made. Then put your feet up and relax we are home again and you can even kick your shoes off if you wish.

#18 Guest_Guest_*

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Posted 21 July 2002 - 02:57 PM

Yep! The Wet Noodle whippin' is the most appropriate Price to Pay!! Wish I'd thought of that! However, Having been gone for so long, I chose to respond to Darlene in Private! I didn't even know if she would get it; was just so flabbergasted that she would be so burdened over this site....as wonderful a place as it is....all that she was going through, makes it pale in comparison!!! We love you Darlene, and anyone who enjoys the fellowship here owes you a debt of gratitude, along with the others who helped make it a reality! My Hubby, who doesn't chat much on the web, doesn't really understand the "community spirit" of sites like this....but I think it is great! I just don't like it when fussin' and fuedin' starts up and feelings are hurt! Hopefully, we can escape those types of situations!

#19 Darlene

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Posted 21 July 2002 - 04:27 PM

Since I don't have any noodles in my pantry to soak and beat you with, I shall just have to move in close and give you a GREAT BIG HUG!!!!!!!!

I only wish you had given permission to the people who knew what was going on to share it with us. I am so sorry that you went through the illness and the financial woes "alone," (unlike the fire and it's aftermath). You have nothing to apologize for Dar.

Welcome Home!!!

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"One day, we’re going to stand before the gates of Heaven. Some of us want to be able to walk up there in a white robe and we want to sing Abba Father and Amazing Grace and we want to say to the Lord, “I worshiped You.” But I want you to think about this: Heres the way I want to enter the gates of Heaven. I want to come skidding in there on all fours. I want to be slipping and sliding and I want to hit the gates of heaven with a bang. And when I stand up and I stand before Christ, I want there to be blood on my knees and my elbows. I want to be covered with mud. And I want to be standing there with a ragged breast plate of righteousness. And a spear in my hand. And I want to say, “Look at me, Jesus. I’ve been in the battle. I’ve been fighting for you.” Ladies and gentlemen, put your armor on and get into battle. God bless you." ~ General William G. Boykin, U.S. Army (ret.)

#20 Guest_Guest_*

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Posted 21 July 2002 - 04:33 PM

There were VERY few that knew what was going on and even then they didn't always know everything...

But the tears have been so close to the surface all day today *so what else is new lol* cause I sit here in awe and read all that everyone writes and I think to myself...

WOW.

In all the time I've been on the net, I've never ever ever found a place such as this. There are many wonderful places out there but I guess, for me, this is where I'm meant to be.

*smile*

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