12-Step Program for the Fabricoholic
1. fondle fabric
2. listen for fabric to talk to you
3. buy fabric
4. wash fabric
5. properly age fabric
6. listen for fabric to talk to you
7. review 11 patterns which spoke to you about that fabric
8. put back 7 patterns
9. listen for 4 patterns to cuss you out
10. put back 3 patterns
11. donate 2 patterns to the Goodwill shop
12. give the fabric to a 10-year-old to make beanie baby sleeping bags
Fabric-holic! Admit Your Addiction!
Started by
cookiejar
, Aug 06 2007 01:31 PM
74 replies to this topic
#21
westbrook
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Posted 19 August 2007 - 08:31 PM
I am pretty cool with dying, just another adventure in my souls journey on its path toward enlightenment.
******
"Is this the kind of Change you wanted?"
#22
westbrook
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Posted 19 August 2007 - 08:32 PM
Fabricholic's Will
Being of sound mind and body, I _____________________________, do hereby record my last will and testament, knowing that ____________________________, my _______________________, (husband, sister, daughter, etc.) has no appreciation of, or in some instances knowledge of, my extensive fabric collection deposited throughout the house.
Knowing also that __________________________ has notified the local thrift store should I precede him or her to the great fabric shop in the sky, to pick up and dispose of the aforementioned collection.
Therefore, I do will this collection, and all collections related to it, to my dear fabric preservationist _______________________. It is my wish that she/he, upon hearing of my death and the inability to take it with me, come to my home and stack my entire collection in my studio. She/He should then purchase refreshments for all my friends, and they shall gather in that room and remember me, then peacefully divide the collection amongst themselves.
Be forewarned, I will be hovering over this process! The rest of my worldly possessions (car, stocks, house, etc.) can go to those who do not understand this event.
Signed ________________________________________
Dated _____________________________
Note: Please keep in mind that this is meant to be humor, and is not meant to replace actual consultation with an attorney.
Page maintained by Carole Parker
http://home.inreach.com/mrbilll/costuming/Humor/fabWill.html
Being of sound mind and body, I _____________________________, do hereby record my last will and testament, knowing that ____________________________, my _______________________, (husband, sister, daughter, etc.) has no appreciation of, or in some instances knowledge of, my extensive fabric collection deposited throughout the house.
Knowing also that __________________________ has notified the local thrift store should I precede him or her to the great fabric shop in the sky, to pick up and dispose of the aforementioned collection.
Therefore, I do will this collection, and all collections related to it, to my dear fabric preservationist _______________________. It is my wish that she/he, upon hearing of my death and the inability to take it with me, come to my home and stack my entire collection in my studio. She/He should then purchase refreshments for all my friends, and they shall gather in that room and remember me, then peacefully divide the collection amongst themselves.
Be forewarned, I will be hovering over this process! The rest of my worldly possessions (car, stocks, house, etc.) can go to those who do not understand this event.
Signed ________________________________________
Dated _____________________________
Note: Please keep in mind that this is meant to be humor, and is not meant to replace actual consultation with an attorney.
Page maintained by Carole Parker
http://home.inreach.com/mrbilll/costuming/Humor/fabWill.html
I am pretty cool with dying, just another adventure in my souls journey on its path toward enlightenment.
******
"Is this the kind of Change you wanted?"
#23
westbrook
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Posted 19 August 2007 - 08:32 PM
I wanted to see if this was an actual problem.. you people are really sick!
I am pretty cool with dying, just another adventure in my souls journey on its path toward enlightenment.
******
"Is this the kind of Change you wanted?"
#24
westbrook
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Posted 19 August 2007 - 08:34 PM
The 12 Traditions Of Fabric(s) Anonymous
(Or, why, despite ourselves, we're not organized.)
by Don Garvey
Published with the permission of Don Garvey, October 2002.
1. Our common welfare should come first - let others know where the bargains are. (After you've been there first, of course.)
2. For our group purpose, there is but one ultimate authority - the loving Gods of Costuming, who express themselves through our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. (Yeah. Right. By the way, that bridge in Brooklin I've been talking about...)
3. The only requirement for F.A. membership is a desire to stop buying fabric. (Really? In your dreams!)
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or F.A. as a whole. (My group's better than your group...)
5. Each group has but one primary purpose...to carry the message to the fabricaholic, who still suffers. (Sale at the Thrift Shop...50% off!)
6. An F.A. group out never endorses, finances, or lends the F.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, least problems of money, power, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. (Really? My own line of designer fabrics...?)
7. Every F.A. group should be fully self supporting, declining outside contributions. (We support the thrift shop, the department store, the fabric store...)
8. Fabrics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centres may employ special workers. (I've got someone going through withdrawal here. I need a swatch of fabric, STAT!)
9. F.A., as such, ought never to be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. (The tour bus for the fabric district leaves at...)
10. Fabrics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the F.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy. (Is wool better than polyester? Beats me.)
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films. (NO! Not that spotlight! It's mine!)
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all of our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. (Huh! Who, us?)
(Or, why, despite ourselves, we're not organized.)
by Don Garvey
Published with the permission of Don Garvey, October 2002.
1. Our common welfare should come first - let others know where the bargains are. (After you've been there first, of course.)
2. For our group purpose, there is but one ultimate authority - the loving Gods of Costuming, who express themselves through our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. (Yeah. Right. By the way, that bridge in Brooklin I've been talking about...)
3. The only requirement for F.A. membership is a desire to stop buying fabric. (Really? In your dreams!)
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or F.A. as a whole. (My group's better than your group...)
5. Each group has but one primary purpose...to carry the message to the fabricaholic, who still suffers. (Sale at the Thrift Shop...50% off!)
6. An F.A. group out never endorses, finances, or lends the F.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, least problems of money, power, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. (Really? My own line of designer fabrics...?)
7. Every F.A. group should be fully self supporting, declining outside contributions. (We support the thrift shop, the department store, the fabric store...)
8. Fabrics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centres may employ special workers. (I've got someone going through withdrawal here. I need a swatch of fabric, STAT!)
9. F.A., as such, ought never to be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. (The tour bus for the fabric district leaves at...)
10. Fabrics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the F.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy. (Is wool better than polyester? Beats me.)
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films. (NO! Not that spotlight! It's mine!)
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all of our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. (Huh! Who, us?)
I am pretty cool with dying, just another adventure in my souls journey on its path toward enlightenment.
******
"Is this the kind of Change you wanted?"
#25
westbrook
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Posted 19 August 2007 - 08:35 PM
100 Ways to Hide Your Stash
These lyrics are posted with the permission of the copyright holder, Cathy Miller. If you would like to order the CD "One Stitch At a Time," please contact Ms. Miller at: http://www.singingquilter.com
Ms. Miller also pointed out that TV quilter and personality Eleanor Burns has done a music video of this song. The video or DVD can be ordered from Ms. Burns at: http://www.quiltinaday.com/
Copyright 2000 by Cathy Miller
He doesn't have to know everything
A few secrets keep a marriage fresh as spring
I'll have it in, and out of sight in a flash
There are 100 ways to hide your stash.
Fill up the cupboard, hide the evidence
Pile it in the pantry spare no expense
Keep it with the kids' clothes, lay it with the wine
Keep it all together where the sun don't shine!
Put it in a Safeway bag, bring it in with the groceries
Call it "Christmas presents - and don't you peek!"
You're "keeping it for a friend" who's gone to Calgary
She'll be back soon - no there's none for me!
Don't tell him what you owe the store
He might start looking in the dryer or the drawer
It's an affliction breeding secrecy
These guilty pleasures that won't let me be
Pack it in the wardrobe, under the chair
Stack it with the linen, with the silverware
Cram it in the cellar, under the stair
With the winter clothes, with the underwear.
A woman stored hers in the ceiling overhead
For years it stayed there, overtop the bed
Her husband never ever heard a sound
Until the day it brought the ceiling down
He's got golfing and his auto parts
You've got fabric
He's got cigarettes and butter tarts
You've got fabric!
Pad it in a pillow, buy a bass violin
Cram it in a corner, tuck it in a tin
Turn off your freezer, fill up your bin
Unplug the oven, you can fit it all in
Buy a few quarters, while you're at the store
Get a little extra - more more more
Slip it in the mattress, hide it under the floor
No more room in here: buy the house next door!
http://home.inreach.com/mrbilll/costuming/Humor/100ways.html
These lyrics are posted with the permission of the copyright holder, Cathy Miller. If you would like to order the CD "One Stitch At a Time," please contact Ms. Miller at: http://www.singingquilter.com
Ms. Miller also pointed out that TV quilter and personality Eleanor Burns has done a music video of this song. The video or DVD can be ordered from Ms. Burns at: http://www.quiltinaday.com/
Copyright 2000 by Cathy Miller
He doesn't have to know everything
A few secrets keep a marriage fresh as spring
I'll have it in, and out of sight in a flash
There are 100 ways to hide your stash.
Fill up the cupboard, hide the evidence
Pile it in the pantry spare no expense
Keep it with the kids' clothes, lay it with the wine
Keep it all together where the sun don't shine!
Put it in a Safeway bag, bring it in with the groceries
Call it "Christmas presents - and don't you peek!"
You're "keeping it for a friend" who's gone to Calgary
She'll be back soon - no there's none for me!
Don't tell him what you owe the store
He might start looking in the dryer or the drawer
It's an affliction breeding secrecy
These guilty pleasures that won't let me be
Pack it in the wardrobe, under the chair
Stack it with the linen, with the silverware
Cram it in the cellar, under the stair
With the winter clothes, with the underwear.
A woman stored hers in the ceiling overhead
For years it stayed there, overtop the bed
Her husband never ever heard a sound
Until the day it brought the ceiling down
He's got golfing and his auto parts
You've got fabric
He's got cigarettes and butter tarts
You've got fabric!
Pad it in a pillow, buy a bass violin
Cram it in a corner, tuck it in a tin
Turn off your freezer, fill up your bin
Unplug the oven, you can fit it all in
Buy a few quarters, while you're at the store
Get a little extra - more more more
Slip it in the mattress, hide it under the floor
No more room in here: buy the house next door!
http://home.inreach.com/mrbilll/costuming/Humor/100ways.html
I am pretty cool with dying, just another adventure in my souls journey on its path toward enlightenment.
******
"Is this the kind of Change you wanted?"
#26
westbrook
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Posted 19 August 2007 - 08:38 PM
do you all have a shrink? like a fabric shrink?
I am so glad I don't have this problem! I am so glad I am a normal sewist.. not like you all with a fabric stash problem
I am so glad I don't have this problem! I am so glad I am a normal sewist.. not like you all with a fabric stash problem
I am pretty cool with dying, just another adventure in my souls journey on its path toward enlightenment.
******
"Is this the kind of Change you wanted?"
#27
Cat
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Posted 19 August 2007 - 08:53 PM
(She's *OBVIOUSLY* in denial...)
Where words and actions disagree, the heart is revealed.
Look how often the unexpected happens... and we still don't expect it.
#28
Nett
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Posted 19 August 2007 - 08:54 PM
Westbrook who are you trying to convince? With all the info you have provided us, I suspect you are working the same problem yourself. Come on fessup!
FROG!
Remain on your lillypad floating down the river of life. How rocky the ride depends on who is your anchor. As for me, it is God.
Remain on your lillypad floating down the river of life. How rocky the ride depends on who is your anchor. As for me, it is God.
#29
westbrook
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Posted 19 August 2007 - 10:59 PM
I don't think I have a problem... you all may have a problem... but I don't!
I have a single wide mobile home filled with totes full of fabric. I have a room in my house devoted to sewing machine and sergers and more fabric. I have tote upon tote filled with patterns. I have a sewing room...
look... you might think this is a problem.. but it is not! so there!
I have a single wide mobile home filled with totes full of fabric. I have a room in my house devoted to sewing machine and sergers and more fabric. I have tote upon tote filled with patterns. I have a sewing room...
look... you might think this is a problem.. but it is not!
I am pretty cool with dying, just another adventure in my souls journey on its path toward enlightenment.
******
"Is this the kind of Change you wanted?"
#30
Nett
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Posted 19 August 2007 - 11:33 PM
See westbrook, I don't have a problem. You and I are in the same boat!
FROG!
Remain on your lillypad floating down the river of life. How rocky the ride depends on who is your anchor. As for me, it is God.
Remain on your lillypad floating down the river of life. How rocky the ride depends on who is your anchor. As for me, it is God.
#31
Amishway Homesteaders
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Posted 20 August 2007 - 01:31 AM
Originally Posted By: Leah
'Train table?' MODEL train table? Electric trains?! ...take deep breath, calm down, she probably means something different...
NO!
Michael has LOTS of trains!
the big set up now is Lionel O gauge trains but he has n scale layout, a HO layout and G scale too but that one we just set up when we have time to play or take it on the road to visit.
Then our cat have a few too. 2 small HO 'on the floor' layouts and she plays with the Lionel O scale all the time. She even have she own website! Yes you read it right Tobie has a website called 'TOBIES TRAINS' (there is a link from our sit to hers) and seeing we are makiing the layout bigger now there will be updates soon (she has trouble typing in with her paws????
= = = = Michael and Lori = = = =
THE AMISHWAY HOMESTEADERS
= = = in touch with the past = = =
<A class=bbc_url title="External link" href="http://www.freewebs....way_homestead/" rel="nofollow external">http://www.freewebs....hway_homestead/
THE AMISHWAY HOMESTEADERS
= = = in touch with the past = = =
<A class=bbc_url title="External link" href="http://www.freewebs....way_homestead/" rel="nofollow external">http://www.freewebs....hway_homestead/
#32
Leah
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Posted 20 August 2007 - 01:52 AM
I saw Tobie's trains...I am jealous...pout, pout...All the tables around here have silly old computers and TVs on them. Mean old boy moves home and the trains go away...lower lip sticking out...My trains are in the garage in boxes!
Tobie, can I come over and play with your trains?
Tobie, can I come over and play with your trains?
The Ant and the Grasshopper is the best children's story ever; and if you're reading this forum you know why.
#33
Necie
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Posted 20 August 2007 - 08:30 PM
Hi.
You won't believe what I did today. *necie clasps her hands behind her back, puts her head down and digs her toes in the dirt* I...ahem...I...*GULP*...OKAY, OKAY! I BOUGHT FABRIC. :darleneswoon:
There, I said it. Now my problem is: I don't SEW.
So what should I do? Hide it? (That's what I FEEL like doing.)
But it's SOOOOOO kewl!
I went to Wal-Mart today and as always, I went to the craft/sewing department and am looking at ALL the yarns-(got a couple of those, too
). And then I see these little bins with little bitty rolls of fabric scraps. And they're all pretty cheap-.50-2.50, and there's these ones that look like guy's plaid shirts-a BUNCH of them-and they're the CHEAPEST ones and I get to thinking about this old comforter I have with rips and stuff in it and these little scraps would make the neatest quilt to cover that old comforter.......yada, yada, yada... I suppose ya'll know what I mean anyhow.
I kinda have 2-maybe 3-choices.
1. Hide it and TRY to forget about it-(not likely to happen).
2. Get myself a sewing machine thangy and try to teach myself to sew.
or.....................
3. *in necie's softest whisper voice* ----- call mom.
You won't believe what I did today. *necie clasps her hands behind her back, puts her head down and digs her toes in the dirt* I...ahem...I...*GULP*...OKAY, OKAY! I BOUGHT FABRIC. :darleneswoon:
There, I said it. Now my problem is: I don't SEW.
So what should I do? Hide it? (That's what I FEEL like doing.)But it's SOOOOOO kewl!
I went to Wal-Mart today and as always, I went to the craft/sewing department and am looking at ALL the yarns-(got a couple of those, too
). And then I see these little bins with little bitty rolls of fabric scraps. And they're all pretty cheap-.50-2.50, and there's these ones that look like guy's plaid shirts-a BUNCH of them-and they're the CHEAPEST ones and I get to thinking about this old comforter I have with rips and stuff in it and these little scraps would make the neatest quilt to cover that old comforter.......yada, yada, yada... I suppose ya'll know what I mean anyhow. I kinda have 2-maybe 3-choices.
1. Hide it and TRY to forget about it-(not likely to happen).
2. Get myself a sewing machine thangy and try to teach myself to sew.
or.....................
3. *in necie's softest whisper voice* ----- call mom.
...there are some things that can beat smartness and foresight. Awkwardness and stupidity can. The best swordsman in the world doesn't need to fear the second best swordsman in the world; no, the person for him to be afraid of is some ignorant antagonist who has never had a sword in his hand before; he doesn't do the thing he ought to do, and so the expert isn't prepared for him.
LIVE YOUR LIFE IN SUCH A WAY, THAT WHEN YOUR FEET HIT THE FLOOR IN THE MORNING.....SATAN SHUDDERS AND SAYS: "OH SH*T!!!.....SHE'S AWAKE!"
#34
SueC
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Posted 20 August 2007 - 09:56 PM
He he - you dont sew? then option 3 'call Mum!'
Sue
"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't."
Margaret Thatcher
"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't."
Margaret Thatcher
#35
westbrook
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Posted 21 August 2007 - 05:22 AM
chose 1 or 3 and you are a coward! Now 2... that is the ticket! learn a new skill!
I am pretty cool with dying, just another adventure in my souls journey on its path toward enlightenment.
******
"Is this the kind of Change you wanted?"
#36
Darlene
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Posted 21 August 2007 - 07:30 AM
Westie definitely has a *problem*...
It's worse than she will admit. I have witnesses.
lol
It's worse than she will admit. I have witnesses.
lol
"One day, we’re going to stand before the gates of Heaven. Some of us want to be able to walk up there in a white robe and we want to sing Abba Father and Amazing Grace and we want to say to the Lord, “I worshiped You.” But I want you to think about this: Heres the way I want to enter the gates of Heaven. I want to come skidding in there on all fours. I want to be slipping and sliding and I want to hit the gates of heaven with a bang. And when I stand up and I stand before Christ, I want there to be blood on my knees and my elbows. I want to be covered with mud. And I want to be standing there with a ragged breast plate of righteousness. And a spear in my hand. And I want to say, “Look at me, Jesus. I’ve been in the battle. I’ve been fighting for you.” Ladies and gentlemen, put your armor on and get into battle. God bless you." ~ General William G. Boykin, U.S. Army (ret.)
#37
Nett
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Posted 21 August 2007 - 12:06 PM
I agree with you. It may become a necessity and why not have the skill before the crisis.
(oops, I been listening to Freebird)
(oops, I been listening to Freebird)
FROG!
Remain on your lillypad floating down the river of life. How rocky the ride depends on who is your anchor. As for me, it is God.
Remain on your lillypad floating down the river of life. How rocky the ride depends on who is your anchor. As for me, it is God.
#38
Leah
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Posted 21 August 2007 - 12:46 PM
Perhaps she's calling mom so mom can teach her?
We have beginning sewing classes down at the local community college. Sometimes the Senior Centers teach as well. I like that best, the old ladies know more from decades of doing, than you could believe.
We have beginning sewing classes down at the local community college. Sometimes the Senior Centers teach as well. I like that best, the old ladies know more from decades of doing, than you could believe.
The Ant and the Grasshopper is the best children's story ever; and if you're reading this forum you know why.
#39
Nett
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Posted 21 August 2007 - 12:51 PM
There is also the extension office. 4=H has a wonderful learning to sew booklet.
FROG!
Remain on your lillypad floating down the river of life. How rocky the ride depends on who is your anchor. As for me, it is God.
Remain on your lillypad floating down the river of life. How rocky the ride depends on who is your anchor. As for me, it is God.
#40
westbrook
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Posted 21 August 2007 - 03:10 PM
I am pretty cool with dying, just another adventure in my souls journey on its path toward enlightenment.
******
"Is this the kind of Change you wanted?"
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