- I never sleep with my arm dangling off the edge of the bed. I don't even like to have my hands exposed. Do you really want to wake up with the sensation of someone holding your hand when you're the only one in your bed?
- I never walk into a dark bathroom and look at the mirror while turning the light on. I always walk in, look down, turn the light on... wait.. and then look into the mirror. You never know what you'll find looking back at you.
- I never swim at night- oceans, lakes, pools, hot tubs - I don't care. Even bathtubs are suspect.
- I always sit facing the entrance when I'm at a restaurant (oh that one could be because of too many Scorsese films...)
- I never pick up hitchhikers.
- I never walk around a dark forest at night. (I actually had to do this once to search for my lost dog and it was not pretty - I kept hearing snapping twigs echoing from the canyon walls).
- I never EVER play around with Ouja boards or seances - you're just asking for trouble.
- If you're with a group of friends in a dark and spooky place, and you're the one cracking jokes - you're probably going to die soon. If you're also a minority - forget about it... you're already dead.
- If you're in a foreign country and some unbelievably hot model chicks ask you and your buddies to spend the night in their room - run away. If you've already spent the night in their room... you're already dead.
- When you have a choice between a flashlight and a chainsaw... please... I mean c'mon people!
- Never trust a clown.
- When someone specifically tells you not to go into a particular room - you might want to heed their advice
- If your littler sister gets sucked into the tv - sorry... tough break. I mean mom always told you not to sit too close...
- Always shoot for the head - and puh-leez kick the gun/saw/knife/chainsaw/sawed-off-shotgun away from the madman/zombie/monster's hand, or better yet, use it to shoot/slash/decapitate.
and a few more....
1. NEVER EVER buy a house with a basement. As far as I can tell basements are ALWAYS bad. If you must buy a house with a basement. Clean out the previous owners old stuff as something will inevitably be cursed. Check the floors and walls and make sure nothing is buried under or in it. Check the electrics. Make sure the door can't be locked from the outside ... Actually forget all that and go back to the beginning and NEVER EVER buy a house with a basement.
2. If you are hearing noises and go to investigate and the lights won't turn on, leave it and go back in the morning (if ever). This includes scratching, thumping, a cat or child crying, or whispering. Do not fool yourself in thinking that its rats and even if it IS rats it can wait till the morning when you can change the bulb.
4. If weird things are happening, even if the power is turned off do not put your hand in waste disposals, meat grinders, under drop saws or near anything with sharp blades unless you don't need all of your fingers.
5. Always remember good footwear. You'll thank me if you ever have to walk though rooms filled with bugs, snakes and broken glass. Plus if a hand reaches up from below it will give you the ability to slip out of your shoes before you are pulled into the nether world.
6. If you are running from something in your home. Do not go upstairs. Once you are up there there is no where to go. In fact its a good idea to have an escape plan from each room in your house. Mostly what you want to do is; if you live near people leave the house and find some. If you are away from other people DO NOT leave your house. Instead find the room that is the easiest to barricade and stay there until the sun comes up.
7. If your kids tell you there is something in their wardrobe or under their bed. Believe them. The easiest thing to do would be move. If that isn't an option get rid of the wardrobe or bed and maybe seal the room off. Also think about getting someone in to help. (maybe call the Ghostbuster)
8. If you think (even for a second) that you saw someones eyes flash red, yellow, white or black. Get away from them as fast as possible. Also do this if you think you glimpse a tail, horns or their face does some weird demon thing.
9. Don't walk down alleyways if there have been lots of mysterious deaths in your town. In fact don't walk anywhere. If you don't drive take a cab, bus or just stay where you are.
10. Lastly and most importantly if you are faced with a supernatural situation or are in a creepy building DO NOT split up. Nothing good can come of it, EVER. If someone has managed to get lost from the group, try and get everyone to go together. Or even better just thank your luck it wasn't you and hope they have found the best room in the house to barracade themselves in until the sun comes up.
Also completely stay away from:Corn fieldsUnused mental hospitals Unused regular hospitalsCreepy looking dollsAny house that has had an unexplained death in it
Oh! and even MORE!!!....
When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.
If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several hundred rounds to kill them, so be prepared!
If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.
Do not take *anything* from the dead.
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your life.*
and last but not least...
If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away!
Robie
