6 replies to this topic

[Katz25]

I don't like to use the word hate, so I won't, but I dread this time of year so much. It's just so hard. I miss my mom, my dad's not well, and there's only us and I feel so alone sometimes. Seems like this holiday is just the worst for family memories. You go to stores and everyone is with their loved ones and shopping and your just there trying to get out. I see mothers and daughters and I want that to be me and my mom again. So many things going on in my life and I'm just overwhelmed I guess, but it's just this time of year I just don't want to be here anymore. I'm sorry, everyone has so many problems worse than mine, just so down tonight.

[Cat]

Your memories are probably much better than what is really going on around you. That mom is probably SO tired of her daughter alternating begging and whining...! And the daughter is frustrated that Mom's not buying her MORE...!!

I'm guessing your mother passed away and you have no siblings? (I'm sorry, if you posted about it I must have missed it. ) And with your dad's dementia, I can imagine it gets pretty hard to be "the grownup" all the time.

I wish you lived closer... we'd go out for a creamy, whipped-cream-topped hot cocoa and a giggle-fest.

If you don't have anyone, and you aren't involved in a church group, have you considered volunteering at a nursing home? There's a woman there who would LOVE the opportunity to sit with you in a lounge and chat over tea... another one would love to teach you to knit, or crochet... still another who would treasure a chance to connect with somebody *exactly* like you.

While I understand you have other things to do in your life, if you really need an older woman in your life, you could be a blessing beyond measure in another person's life.

Otherwise, we're here for you, too. Although it's a mixed blessing... the cyber calories don't pack on pounds, but the cyber hugs don't feel quite as nice...

This will be the first Christmas without my mom. And late January will be the first birthday I'll have without sharing it with her. I have mixed feelings... in some ways, my life is much simpler now. But still, she was MOM. I'm still trying to process everything. I'm hoping it will be easier when the estate is settled and that stress is gone.


Tell us how we can help you get through this...

[Mt_Rider]

Yeah, many folks are put thru hard emotions due to the family nature of these holidays. My mom is still with me but she lost her dear sister last year, right at the new year. I know she's feeling a bit down. Fortunately, we'll have even my brother/niece with us this year so it will be festive for Christmas. New Year's will be a different story so I plan to talk to her...see how she'd be most comfortable getting thru this first anniversary.


MtRider [prayers for those without family or with family that has tough issues ]

[Amishway Homesteaders]

I agree with what was said by both cat and Mt_Rider- So stay strong and try and keep thinking of all the good times you had over the years with Mom.

If you need to, just have a quiet sit down and write out your feelings (like you did here) Let it flow, and crying does help clear you head and that is OK (just have lots of tissues handy). End by putting down some good thought from the past with you and your Mom. Now, put that paper in a safe place and then greet the rest of the day looking forward to good times as you make your way thought the rest of the year.

remember venting is good and Dwelling is not, so let it go and then get going. Christmas is a hard time for a lot of people but it is just one day and then before you know it Life will get back to 'normal' ? IF what is happening all over the country can be calls 'normal anymore.

And thank you for posting, as it gives some of us something to be thankful for at this time of year.

[Jeepers]

Dread is a good word for it. I have it too. I just don't find this time of the year happy either. But you sure aren’t alone! I know a lot of people who are in our boat. But as Cat said, we don’t know what is going on behind those smiles and closed doors.

My mother died when she was only 35 years old and I was just 18 years old. I have no brothers or sisters and had a lousy stepdad. All of my grandparents, aunts and uncles are gone and my cousins are starting to go. My dad left before I was born and I didn't hear from him until I was in my mid 30's. He adopted his new wife’s children which didn't exactly make me feel warm and fuzzy toward him. And like you, I'm getting tired.

It’s hard when people tell you to get in the spirit, move past it and count your blessings. I do that and I know I’m better off than a lot of people. It isn’t about feelings. It’s about the heart and spirit hurting. As AH said crying does help. It's okay to be sad and mad sometimes.

You know we will get through this though because we always do. God made women strong for a reason. He knows we can handle it. And we will; and there will be better days coming up when all of this hoopla is over. I’ll hold your hand through it if you’ll hold mine. We might even get some happy feet going on --------- >


Cat, I’m sure it has been a difficult season for you too with all you have gone through this year. Feel free to join in the strong woman’s circle dance. I have another hand dangling here.

[Christy]

And whatever happens, we have each other here. There's a lot of care, love, consideration and to share.
Some of us have to do without the person(s) we'd want most. But you're not alone in the world so come on, give it a good cry and lean on us.

[Cat]

Jeepers, you're closer than you know to my feelings. I was packing up some things at Mom's house yesterday and brought them home. I was carrying a box in and just burst into tears, *so* frustrated and angry and sad and discouraged. Crying isn't easy for me, and that hits another heart hurt.

I have NOTHING resembling a Christmas celebration in my house... there hasn't been *time*. I feel like I'm shortchanging my 15-year old and disappointing the rest. I haven't made much or enough progress *anywhere*.

Some days I just cling to God and ask Him to carry me through it all.


But we'll hold each other through it and focus on the *real* reason for Christmas.


Lots of hugs for everyone here...