So here are the adventures over the past few days.
I had closed all but one checking account, where the SS & VA checks are deposited. I found out last Friday he opened a new account with a different bank because he received a check as payment for an odd job. He wanted to be able to cash the check without a penalty...also without telling anyone about it. I told him he needed to close it immediately or I would do it because we talked about his lack of care with money and all of us (he, mom, my husband and I) agreed that cash was a bad idea. He did eventually close it, but not without a fuss.
He also recently ordered debit cards for himself and mom on the main checking account, the account he gets his SS and VA benefit to. I had no idea he did this. Mom had mentioned it would be nice to have a debit card in case she might need it, but it wasn't necessary yet. Evidently Dad ordered them anyway. Mom's was sent back to the bank because Dad gave them the wrong PO box number. Dad's was sent to the apartment. I got a call from the bank wanting to know which account to link the cards to because Dad was wanting to make a withdrawal. I briefly explained the situation to the teller, that we were dealing with possible dementia and money mismanagement, and to please link the cards to savings and send him on his way, then kill the cards. She did so and noted that this is the third time dad has requested cards on this checking account. In the process of calling me and working with the teller, he forgot that he wanted to withdraw money.
I am very worried that my father could drain the accounts again and spend the little money that's in there frivolously or send it to scammers again.
On a different note, the other day I got a phone call from Dad that his clutch broke in the pickup truck (this is the second time in a few months) and he was having it towed to my driveway because he can't work on it at the apartment. He informed me that he would need a ride back home. When I arrived home twenty minutes later, I expected to find my dad enjoying a cup of coffee, perhaps reading a book or magazine, waiting in the living room. Instead, I found him in our basement, rifling through boxes and totes that did not belong to him - for no apparent reason. When I asked him what he was doing, he said "Searching for something", and he had an edger that dispenses paper and tape when you need to mask off a window sill or wall. He said, "I need to borrow this." I nodded and asked him what he was searching for.
Pacing, he said that new city was different than the old one. He didn't like having to give up his 'nice' sharps boxes that held mom's used insulin syringes to the recyclers because he thought it was silly he had to keep buying them. He wanted a bucket that he could dump the syringes into instead, because it was more efficient and cheaper. He remembered I had cat litter buckets, I told him we recycled them. He found a ratty old square bucket that had some old chicken feed in it and dumped the feed onto the compost pile and took the bucket. The feed was stale, but it could have been used...now it's good for nothing but feeding the occasional decrepit neighborhood raccoon. As I checked the basement room, the boxes and totes in that room have been rifled through and rearranged. I don't think he took anything without asking, but it made me uncomfortable.
As an aside, when I moved my parents back in November, among other trash, there were at least 2, possibly more, cat litter buckets taped shut with sharps in them. He did take them to the recyclers then. Perhaps it is necessary to just buy a stack of sharps containers and insist they be taken to the recyclers when full.
As I drove him home, Dad was rambling on...and he told me about falling off a ladder. He insists a 'demon' or 'spirit' kicked the ladder, because he was the only one in the room. He thinks that the spirits that are in his brother are angry at him for doing the right thing and are seeking to hurt him.
My mom is becoming quite worried that Dad is not tracking too well. She really wants him to leave the money situation alone and is growing concerned about his patterns of thought. The other night there was quite a bit of confusion over dinner, he changed his mind a few different times about what to fix. Also, my mom said that throughout the evening he was starting conversations, stopping them mid-thought and starting another topic. She was really concerned that he wasn't making sense. Mom has not said that she doesn't feel safe around him, but she is definitely worried about his behavior.
So, I'm left with a decrepit truck in my driveway, a loopy dad and a dissertation that needs time I can't give it. I'm seriously thinking of going away for a week to get some writing done, but I'm so afraid of what might happen when I'm gone.
I have contacted social workers and the interim guardian. We will see what next week holds. For now, I'm thinking bed sounds really good and it's not even 8pm yet.
Oh - and now I feel an overwhelming need to change the locks. How do I do that without escalating this or making him feel bad?
Edited by Crazy4Canning, 17 February 2012 - 10:27 PM.