6 replies to this topic

[ANewMe]

I haven't talked to our son in 6 months or more. I have only laid eyes on him a couple of times in the past year and a half. We were making ammends around Christmas time and I bit my tounge, put my ill feelings aside about his girlfriend and accepted her into my home. I treated them just like nothing had ever happened and ignored all of the malicious manipulative things that she had done. I hugged her and bought Christmas for her. As soon as Christmas was over and the presents were given to them it was over.

My Daddy almost died at Christmas and I had my hands full with taking care of him. DS never even asked about him. He only wanted me to do his financial aid. When trying to do the paperwork for his financial aid I needed his help but it wasn't a convenient time for him. So I told him I was done and he would be on his own. I was then cussed up one side and down the other. He told me that I had ruined his life and was nothing but an evil stepmom and he wanted my name off of his birth certificate. The things he said were so mean and hurtful I almost had a breakdown. The younger kids had no clue what was going on with me other than I was hysterically sobbing. My husband came straight home and of course his family sided with DS AGAIN and never spoke up and said a word against him. I've not spoken to him since except when he pitched a fit about me blocking him from our middle son's phone. How are we to know what he would say to him?

Everybody says let him go, but he's my son and I don't know how. I love him so much. Recently I tried to call but he wouldn't accept the calls or texts. Today I sent him a text and told him that I loved him no matter what and that I had no intentions of holding mistakes he made as a teenager over his head if he could let go of the mistakes he thought I made as a parent. I mean am I going to be raked across the coals for the rest of my life b/c I took his phone for texting in class, or grounding him for making straight F's or not coming in on time?

He never responded to my text. DH talks to him and met with him before we moved. He said he was trying to mend it....I know he feels caught. I have no idea why I'm even coming here with this. I just have nowhere to go with it. It's the worst feeling to carry this around every moment. I know that I loved him as my own child, but from the time he turned 15 it changed for him. Now he hates me. His perception has been tainted by a girlfriend who hates me and by her own words admits she was jealous of me (how sick), an Aunt who hates me b/c I got in the way of her being able to get him (she was trying to talk my husband into letting her have him when his first wife died. We met and I adopted him. SHe says I stole him from her). The aunt gives him everything and enables and rewards him for things such as dropping out of school. He has been "on his own" living with girlfriends family and not working until just recently and that was only b/c our neice caught her husband cheating so DH's sister now has to put money into her divorce and not into making sure our son stays away from us.

I'm happy....everything is going so good since our move. We have a chance to start a fresh life after 5 yrs of hell, but that piece is missing. I miss him so much and love him so much. I feel like I'm grieving a son who is not in the ground.

[Mt_Rider]

((((ANewMe)))) You bear a burden many parents know well. Sometimes you are simply waiting for maturity. In this case, the aunt is helping ignite the problem. Rewarding for poor performance/choices is sick. And it is infinitely selfish for her to do so. It shapes him into a dependent person. He needs to wake up someday and realize the shackles she has put upon him. Realize he's her trained dog and that he could have more self-respect than to fall for one who encourages him to perform so poorly.

Sometimes all it takes is maturity.... Hope he grows up soon.

MtRider

[themartianchick]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. The truth is that it does take awhile to mend things, but once it is fixed it will be better and stronger than before. Your son will have an a-ha moment and it will all come together in his head. He will realize that you only want the best for him and that you mean him no wrongdoing. Sometimes it takes having a child to make them mature enough to understand what an awesome responsibility parenting really is. In the meantime, I'm sure that it does hurt. Use this time to draw closer to your husband and remaining children. The rest of you are in a good place right now...Don't lose sight of the good that is in your life.

[Jeepers]

What TMC said. I know it's still hard though.

[Ambergris]

[arby]

Hugs. Sometimes it takes a long while before it mends. Keep doing the right things for you and your family living with you where you are now. Let's hope he figures it out eventually. I like what TMC said.

[Annarchy]