10 replies to this topic

[Crazy4Canning]

I was cleaning my desk today and found an envelope with my parents' guardianship materials. It reminded me that I have a 90-day court appearance in two weeks.

I called the elder care attorney today and spoke with her about options for guardianship. She explained that while some people keep one part (care of the person or financial) they often hand off the other to make things more balanced and easier. I told her about recent events and said that I needed someone to take over complete guardianship, for things had stayed the same for months and even gotten worse. I could not see it improving. Sadly, she agreed.

I will hand off guardianship next week. They chose the same guardian I would have, without argument. The lady who will be looking after them is nice, firm, and very skilled. I've spoken with her and liked her. I am sure my parents will do well by her.

I am sure it will be a bit different next week when I sign papers relieving me of guardianship, for now I'm not feeling freedom, but a keen sense of disappointment - for I realize that whatever I did, and however I did it, any suggestions I made - it was not good enough. I know it was no fault of my own, it's just the dynamics of their life. It saddens me, but they have made definite choices over the years and now they have to live by them. It's encouraged me to make different choices, ones that will benefit and not harm in the long run.

The attorney said I did more than over 90% of the people she sees. She said that I intervened in a bad living situation and got a guardianship, something that will be in place until they die. She encouraged me, saying that piece of legislation alone will protect them more than anything else.

I know it will be a shock for them, for when the guardianship turns over to someone else, for my husband and I have decided our financial support will stop as well. We have still been supporting my parents to sometimes a couple of hundred dollars a month. We will make sure they won't starve, but they need to live within a budget and a guardian will see to that.

What will we do with that extra bit of money? I do believe time for my husband and I is in order. We will take a long weekend somewhere...and not pick up the phone.

[Virginia]

So glad you are handing this over to someone you approve of. Maybe she and you parents will even become friends in a way.

You have done more than I could imagine, and what you have handled has made my trials seems small.

Go have a wonderful time with your dear, dear husband.

[dogmom4]

Sounds like things are working out for the best. Have a good time with your hubby!

[Ambergris]

After your weekend, you can start putting some of that into preps...

[CrabGrassAcres]

Good for you!
Yes, it is sad, but it was not your job to 'fix' your parents. Hopefully you can now have a calmer relationship with them, but if not, it is still not your fault.
HUGS!

[Jeepers]

Glad you are finally getting your life back! Now you can be the daughter and not the parent.

Hope you and your DH have a relaxing time.

[MomM]

(((C4C)))

[TurtleMama]

I think that time with your DH is a great idea, C4C....time to re-connect, time to heal.

What you have done for your parents is a blessing. ALL of it. You've been a responsible, amazing, wonderful daughter. I understand your disappointment, but I do so hope that soon, you will be able to see that what you have done for them is incredible.

Blessings to you....

[themartianchick]

It isn't that your efforts to help your parents weren't good enough... It is that your parents couldn't accept or RESPECT the source. It is difficult to allow your child to help you under the best of circumstances. In this case, you are dealing with multiple challenges that range from mental health issues to legal issues, to physical impairments.

A prophet is without honor in his (or her) own backyard. No matter how smart or talented you may be (and I have no doubt that you are both!), it is hard for parents to see that you are no longer the kid with the skinned knees and runny nose. When you have teenagers, they will have difficulty believing that you know anything about...ANYTHING!

[Darlene]

It's interesting how different we all are.

I would never put any member of my family into the hands of a 'professional'.

Obviously you've done all you can to the best of your ability but it's just not something I could ever do and hits me very strong. Only God knows what is ultimately right or wrong and I'm not passing judgment by any means. If He's given you a peace about the situation then that's all that matters.

Best of luck.

[CrabGrassAcres]

My mother would have acted the same way as C4C's parents do. There is no way I could have taken guardianship of her unless she was in a coma. I actually had to sell my home (before losing it to bankruptcy, thanks to mother) and take my daughter and live in a tent, before mother would move out. I might would have given in and moved to an apt with mother as she wanted, except she took to hitting my daughter and I could not allow that. Some people are just too manipulative for close family to handle in some situations.