In early October, I did mention that I was railroaded by them for 45 minutes. It happened again in early November for about 20 minutes, and then a week or so ago for 8-10 minutes.
Why is it getting shorter, you ask? Because I'm getting bolder.
Something inside me has simply reached maximim capacity and snapped. I've reached my limit for both tolerance and ability to deal with unnecessary drama. I've also stopped being a doormat and I'm slowly extricating myself from being a handy part of their dysfunction.
This past month, Dad's SS was cut because he had to start paying medicare costs, thank you, Mr. Obama. They took $300, the equivalent of what his monthly bills are. I had to work with the guardian to decide what to pay and what not to pay. I let her make all the decisions and I just scribbled the checks. This means that some hard decisions will have to be made about their living status as well as their care. This is EXACTLY why I pulled in the professional guardian, because I saw this happening a year ago and knew that I wouldn't be able to deal with it.
About a week ago, Dad told me mom was out of meds. It was a mix-up, because I thought the new guardian was taking care of it, she thought I was. I took ownership and filled all the scrips and of course, my mom had a fit. Somewhere along the line, Dad has either been buying insulin from a pharmacy using cash or he has not been dosing my mom correctly. He still had a full bottle of one type of insulin left. I was yelled at for getting the wrong kind, even though he told me specifically what to get. He told me to return the insulin and give them the cash, never mind telling the guardian, for they were starving. (Mind you, they have a full freezer and a full pantry - they are NOT starving in any way, shape, or form.) I was also yelled at for getting a generic meter and strips because Mom could not afford the name brand glucose test strips (They were 1/3 of the price.) After the third time of being yelled at for being careless and irresponsible, and having my mom turn on the tears to try and manipulate me, I politely excused myself left.
I then realized I was DONE. I had done all I could with a giving and willing heart - for *years* I had supported them, even in their dysfunction and tried to honor them as an adult child should. My professional life as suffered, I had put my education on hold, my own finances suffered, and so had my marriage. I was done. I realized that my parent's lack of good decisions were not mine to deal with - they are THEIRS. Their lifetime of bad financial choices did not automatically make me their savior because I am their daughter. I am their *daughter*, not a bank, care giver, gas station, grocery, pharmacy, or myriad of other things. I am under no obligation to provide for them because they have failed to plan or provide for themselves.
After venting to the guardian, I asked to be removed from the process of their care. I just can't handle it any more. The guardian noted that something that I hadn't completely recognized before - and I must say it was terribly vindicating to hear her say it - that my parents were being quite abusive and blaming me for it.
I recognize that I have done more than 90% of people would have and while a part of me still wishes I could have done better, the larger part of me knows it was impossible and I was set up to fail because of my parents' dysfunction. I am relieved that they will be cared for, and I know I still have work to do. I will be the one to sort through and deal with their storage unit - for the guardian says she would like me to - and I do want to at least get copies of family photos and things before I entrust them to Dad's care.
So. The holidays will no doubt see us in a further bad light, for I have drawn a line - not in sand but in concrete. My husband and I are not doing holidays with any family this year - AT ALL - on his side or mine. I value my marriage and my sanity too much. We are spending it alone. My husband has requested roasted chicken and the sides of thanksgiving - potatoes, pickles, olives, cranberry sauce...and my special apple pie.
I'm happy to do it with a happy heart. 
You will be happy to know this -
One thing I've started doing when my parents rain down abuse is that I turn it to good - I tangibly do something good for someone else. A week ago, on the evening of that stressful encounter, I made my husband a special dinner. He emerged from a hot shower after a cold day outside to find beef tips with mushroom sauce, potatoes, and salad. As he blinked in stunned silence for this special dinner mid-week, his teasing comment was, "Wow. I think you should get mad more often."
This week, I am exercising my right to a drama-free holiday and giving away my turkey, the trimmings, and other things to a needy college student who is so broke she can barely afford gas to finish the term. This way, not only can I say, "I'm not doing turkey this year, so no, you can't come over", but a poor college kid and her boyfriend (and probable friends) get to have a decent meal they otherwise couldn't afford. And yes, a grocery card will be included with the box, for there's always *something* you need or don't have, and you also have to eat after the turkey is picked clean. I so wish someone would have done something like that for me when I was in college...
Blessings to you all - I wish you the happiest and most drama-free of turkey days.
