I'm a Bad Daughter - Really Need Prayers!

[Katz25]

My dad is 90 and I've been on vacation this week that started again with me having sever bronchitis/pneumonia and poss. developing asthma. I don't know never smoked and I just don't know. I've been waiting forever just to be off this week, no plans in particular. Now I'm sick which I know makes everything worse. My dad is either getting sick or has allergies really bad right now. For the last five hours we've been arguing, or I've been arguing back and forth and then I got mad and yelled at him and said things I didn't mean to say. he can't fight back he has Alzheimer's. That's what started all this he's not acting right tonight and I don't know if its because he's sick and some med he took, or he could be having a TIA. He will not go to hospital. Telling me how proud he use to be of me and not anymore. I know he doesn't know, but I'm just so stressed and I said things I shouldn't and I'm just a terrible daughter. He's all I have and instead of just lettinng it go I just sat and argued and even yelled at him and said some bad things. Oh my gosh, I didn't mean to. I love him so much and I know he's slipping thru my fingers. I was so looking forward to this week for us because I thought we might get to go see some family or something and then I got sick and now this. I don't know what I've done to be punished and then punish him. I only work and go the stores and other than that I'm always with him because I know this time is precious. I want to be with him. I'm so scared and lonely tonight and now guilty. Please pray for me, I feel so alone.

[Cat]

You're a tired, sick, and frustrated daughter. Your Dad never said things he wished he hadn't? All of us have.

 

I'm praying for you.

 

Praying that you will have peace, that you can smooth things over with your Dad quickly and easily, that you will find comfort for your heart and for your hurting body.

 

Praying that the awful thing that is Alzheimers will take any memory of tonight away from your Dad, and replace it with the comfort of your presence.

 

Praying that you feel God's love and God's grace and know that you are, in essence, only being all too HUMAN.

 

Don't beat yourself up over this. Rest and get well soon. Life is tough enough on us, and we don't need to make it worse *on ourselves*. (Listen to the POT calling the KETTLE black!!! I do that WAY too much myself!)

 

 

[dogmom4]

Please don't be so hard on yourself. None of are perfect and it's just hard when you're feeling sick.

[Virginia]

You are doing a wonderful job, just being willing to care for your father. His disease will not let him be the man you love, but you love him anyway, good times and bad. May tomorrow be a better day for both of you. You are a wonderful daughter.

[MomM]

(((((Katx25))))) My heart goes out to you! This is a very tough road to be on! Please take care of yourself, so you can take care of your precious Dad.

[Katz25]

He now thinks he's in a nursing home or somewhere and thinks people are here and keeps thanking me for visiting him. He has NEVER been like this. I mean he went with me to Lubbock Sat. to dr. and was a little mixed up, but fine. What has happened. I was to rough on him, I pushed him to far. He was already confused and I pushed him to hard, I wouldn't let up, it's my fault.. God it's my fault. I said after my mom died I wouldn't be hard with my dad. And I try not to, I just felt so bad and was so tired. But he's never been like this, ever. He won't even go to sleep tonight. I'm afraid to close my eyes because I don't know what he might do. God please , please let him get better. I don't want to lose him yet, I'm so not ready. i can't do this, I can't do this. Not now, please not now. Let him get better.

[MomM]

Oh Denise, I really don't know how to comfort you, and I wish I did. Alzheimer's is such a horrible disease! If he is this markedly confused in the morning, get him medical attention (and it sounds like you need some to for your pneumonia/bronchitis/asthma). Praying for peace and forgiveness and restored health for you, and peace for your DF.

[Mt_Rider]

This night has you so distraught that you aren't thinking clearly. O Heavenly Father, our friend Katz neeeeeds your comfort tonight. She's asked for your forgiveness and You always grant that to a repentent heart. Give her the confidence to take You at Your Word. Your choice to forgive is YOUR choice, no matter how badly we've blown it, YOU see our hearts and the circumstances. We all need faith to beleive that.

 

We pray also for her dad who is obviously distraught and feeling ill also. Give them both Your healing peace this night. Give Katz the wisdom and calm presence of mind to know when either or both of them need to seek out medical care.

 

We stand with our sister in her hour of need. An elderly parent is a difficult situation and yet the love is there. God "remembers that we are dust" and loves us anyway. HE loves a dad who no longer is 'there' full time but is doing the best he can. HE loves a daughter devoted to her dad whose had a baaaad day and is ill herself. YOU are alllll about love and only wants us to ask YOU for help...over and over. Give her peace this night, dear God.

 

 

MtRider

[The WE2's]

I sent you a PM...

 

[Annarchy]

(((((((Katz25)))))))

 

[lumabean]

 

[out_of_the_ordinary]

Praying for both of you....

[windmorn]

[TheCG]

This is the picture I have of you in my head right now. Have you talked to hospice, his doctors, your church, anywhere you can think of, about respite care? You're wearing yourself out, and it sounds like you need some time for you.

[Jeepers]

(((((((Katz)))))))

 

You aren't a bad daughter...you are just human! I don't know anyone who hasn't said and done things they later regret. I know I have. I agree with everyone else. It sounds like you are overwhelmed and stressed out. I hope today is a better day.

[themartianchick]

Older people can behave strangely when they have UTI's or other infections. Has he been checked for something like that? It is more common in women, but men can get them too.

[Katz25]

Thanks everyone for your prayers...I think it is the only thing that got me thru last night. My dad is some better today, I think a couple things happened. His dr. gave him a new med and he had taken it about two days long enough to get in his system and then he had two pills for allergies from store and I think it was that med. that got him all messed up last night. I think they didn't agree with his Alzheimer's. We had a really bad night, I haven't been to bed in over 24 hrs. But he has been better today some. He can't keep his balance and very sleepy. He doesn't remember anything about yesterday....thank you Lord. I was trying to tell him, and none of it is there. He doesn't know anything happened at all. He is sick with a cold or allergies, but he's making some sense about like he did before all this started. I count that good because at least I could handle that. I know it won't stay this way, but I just come all to pieces last night. Brought back so many bad memories of times at the end with my mom. Also made me realize how close I could be to losing him and I thought I was getting myself prepared for that, I realized last night I'm not at all. I don't want to be alone, I don't know if I can. I have cried all day long, just can't stop. Part of it is because I'm sick, but mostly because I'm just not ready. All those fears came flooding into my heart last night and I couldn't stop it. I'm sorry for the melt down. I have noone but my dad. When something happenss to him I'm totally alone and I don't know how to handle it. I'm strong, but somehow just don't feel that strong anymore. My family will be gone and I don't know what to do. I'm usually pretty good about getting back up and going on, but I just don't know if I'm that strong now.

 

Thank you all very much, I don't know what I would of done if I couldn't have posted here, just to know someone was here to pray. Thank you.

[Daylily]

I know for sure that God will give you the peace and strength you need when the time comes that you need it. He promises it and it is sure. I'm praying for you and your dad.

[Ambergris]

Denise, if you are afraid he might wander off at night or while you're in the bathroom or something, install latches at the bottoms of the doors. You can nudge them open with your toe in the morning (or after you get out of the shower) instead of bending over to unlock them, but they need to be latched by hand. Confused people will stand at the door, locking and unlocking the usual locks over and over, and unable to tell why the door won't open.

 

Be sure to get really lightweight ones in case emergency people need to kick the door open.

[Jeepers]

Katz, no apology needed! Come here and vent or express your feelings anytime. It's an honor to hold our sister up in prayer.